The Snakes Are Out So I’ll be Inside

Last year I thought I had the perfect set up.

After finding a great deal on a 35-inch TV, we bought a stand, on wheels, that allows me to take the TV outside and watch baseball games at night, or football on Saturday and Sunday.

We already owned a fireplace. Last year, my wife expertly added some flowerpots.

My deck became a little slice of heaven.

That’s the biggest shame of it all. I can’t go outside anymore.

Readers of this column will know my affinity for mowing the grass. I love it. Once or sometimes twice a week, I’ll grab some headphones, dial in Sirius XM radio and get on my zero-turn lawn mower and go to my happy place for an hour or so. I’ll even mow someone else’s yard if they want. That’s how much I love it.

Unfortunately, that’s all I am going to get to mow this summer – someone else’s yard. You see, I cannot even leave my deck this year, if I even make it that far.

Here’s why: I mowed the other night and as I made the soft turn around the very small pile of sticks that I have collected in my annual yard sweep, I saw it out of the corner of my eye, lurking just around the deck blade of my mower, slithering and winding against the grass. My grass. My dirt. There was no mistaking what it was, even as I tried not to look – and, most definitely I tried.

I saw a snake.

I haven’t put my house up for sale yet, but the snake already has won. All summer, every step I take, every move I make, that snake is going to be on my mind.

I tried to look away, because I knew what would happen if I confirmed it was a snake. But it was too late. I caught enough of a glimpse that I know it’s in my yard, lurking, waiting to wrap itself around my unsuspecting foot. It was at least two, maybe eight-foot long, I’m sure of it.

After I finished mowing, I put my lawn mower away, probably for the last time this year. I’m taking bids from lawn care companies as I write this, hopeful that they can somehow manage to keep the grass low enough that the snake is noticeable.

I have considered paving my backyard but an acre of concrete is probably expensive. I could go the way of my daughter in Phoenix. She has stones in her backyard. But, now that I think about it, the rocks are probably just a nice cover for that slimy creature they call snakes.

I don’t know when my hatred for all things snakes began but it’s real. I’ve screeched more than once at the sight of one and avoid the reptile displays at the zoo. If I see it at a park or during a walk, I make a mental note and never go there again. Too risky.

My new neighbor will certainly alter my life this summer. No more walking around barefoot in the grass or even walking in the grass, I guess. I’m going to put Animal Control on speed dial.

I can’t help but wonder why my yard? Did I make it too enticing by removing all the weeds along my fence? Is my grass too green, cut too often, too pretty? Is my yard so inviting because of the TV on the deck or the speakers that blare the occasional 80s station? Is there such a thing as a scarecrow for snakes? When I told my wife about my encounter in the back yard, she didn’t seem as concerned. In fact, she took the snakes’ side, saying something about they are good for the yard because they eat insects. I’m not buying it.

Whatever it is, I’m probably done with outside this summer.

Those back-to-back-to-back 70 degree days last week were a nice departure from the eight months of winter we just came out of. But, I’m fine. The snakes are out. I’m locking myself inside. As far as I’m concerned, it can start snowing anytime.

This column by Doug Donnelly was published in the April 29, 2026 issue of The Advance.

Real Life Experiences at My First Real Job

I haven’t had many jobs in my life outside of the newspaper business.

My first real job was working at a once-famous department store, K mart, which happens to be where I met my wife. She likes to tell people I was her Blue Light special, but unless you grew up in the 1970s or 1980s, that probably doesn’t resonate with many people anymore.

The Blue Light, for those who don’t know, was attached to a cart that a K mart employee would randomly turn on and someone on the public address system would announce that customers should “hurry on over to the Blue Light to get 20 percent off bedding” or something. People actually would run if the sale sounded enticing enough.

Sadly, I never got to operate the Blue Light, but did have to clean up some messes that people would leave in the aisles as they knocked things off the shelves to get to it.

I worked at K mart all four years of college, starting literally days before my high school graduation and leaving about four months after finishing college. I worked days, nights, weekends and holidays. I once went to work when the store was closed for Thanksgiving – I was locked inside – while setting up for the big sale that was going to start on Black Friday.

I worked in the garden center, the home improvement area and the paint department, which is ironic since today I’m not really into gardening, not the biggest fan of home improvements and would rather do just about anything than paint. Dress code required me to wear a shirt and tie every day, something few people would believe if they walked into a department store these days.

My paychecks weren’t much, but they didn’t have to be. They paid my car insurance, gave me some spending cash and allowed me to purchase a radio that was worth far more than my car.

The people of K mart made it interesting – and not just because I married one of them. She worked at the cash registers, which made it easy for me to send a friend through her line to check her out for me. Her dad insisted she not date anyone from K mart, but we found a way around that because I met her mother first and she loved me.

What was so amazing, though, was in just that one department store, I met people from just about every walk of life one can imagine. It was my first time being around people who drank alcohol after work, smoked cigarettes on their lunch break, went out to lunch, had babies, dropped out of high school, had gotten divorced and remarried, had step children and mothers-in-law and just about every other social difference you could image. I never realized how sheltered I was until I joined the working world.

A couple of those work mates were friends of mine from school, but for the most part these were people I would never have met in life had it not been for those four years working there.

People were fascinating to me just because I never met people like them before.

We shared some commonalities – customers. We all had war stories about customers who challenged us, yelled at us, or who tried to give us a tip when we loaded 10 bags of mulch into the back seat of their cars. It brought us together in odd ways, but gave us some common ground to talk about when getting together after work.

It was honestly the first time in life I experienced friendships outside of going to school with someone. In today’s world, that probably seems strange. Nowadays, high school kids grow up knowing just about everyone in their realm of life. It’s, of course, due to social media. I cringe thinking what life would have been like if I had social media at 17.

My first job wasn’t my best job, but it taught me enough about life to make it important in my lifelong journey to where I am today. There’s not always a blue light flashing to catch your attention. But, when it does, embrace it. 

This column by Doug Donnelly was published in the April 22, 2026 issue of The Advance.